I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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