That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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