I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
