Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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