I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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