I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize