What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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