I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
