He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
