I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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