I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
