I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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