You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
