new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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