whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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