he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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