Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
