I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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