Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
