Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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