I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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