You can't special order awesome
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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