i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
