I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
