My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
