i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
