he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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