fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
