oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
