I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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