Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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