Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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