Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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