do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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