Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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