dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
