Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
