u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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