Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
