walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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