dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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