I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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