I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
