My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
