I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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