I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize