well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
