Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
