Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
