What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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