i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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