I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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