Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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