bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
