I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Rumble strips road head = magical
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize