Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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