Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
