I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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