I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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