I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
