is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
