So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
