I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
