just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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