So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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