my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
