Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
