If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
