I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
