I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
