after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
