I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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