he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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