Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
