he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I didn't notice because vodka
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
