Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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