but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
