I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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