you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
