apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
