I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
